Preface

Basing on some very good feedbacks and suggestions from the audience and some of our kalyāṇamittas who had the condition to listen to this talk, Bro. Teoh had agreed to allow this talk to be transcribed and printed into a booklet form for free distribution to all those who are interested and have the affinity to receive it.

It is also Brother Teoh’s sincere wish that Dharma friends, spiritual practitioners, seekers of truth, and cultivators will be able to make use of the enclosed dharma transcript notes to develop a better understanding of the Buddha Dharma as taught by the Buddha so that they may progress along the path of dharma to become more virtuous, nobler and wiser human beings that can be a blessing to all of humanity and the world.

As these notes were mostly compiled based on a direct transcript from the recording of the Dharma talk delivered by Bro. Teoh at SJBA on the 23.6.2013; the text is aligned as closely as possible to the colloquial speech in the talk. However, some editorial amendments have been made to the text without detracting from the essence of the talk. With this, it is hoped that readers can adjust themselves accordingly to better understand its true meaning and intent. A good way to do this is to listen to the recordings first before reading the transcript book.

To listen to the recording (audio file) you can log on to our http://broteoh.com website under Repository of Dharma material/other audio files/SJBA Talks; Or Google: ‘Bro. Teoh’s Kalyāṇamittas – A Repository of Dharma Material’ to view them; Or alternatively download the audio file via this below MP3 audio link: http://broteoh.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Teoh-SJBA-130623-Importance-of-Mindfulness-Heedfulness-to-cope-with-Lifes-problems.mp3

Biodata of Bro. Teoh Kian Koon

Bro. Teoh graduated from University of Malaya in Civil Engineering in 1979. He has been a spiritual practitioner cum ‘Meditator’ since 1971. Since his retirement in 2001 from his Engineering career, he has been sharing his understanding and experiences with those who are keen in their search for true happiness, peace and liberation from birth and death and all mental suffering so that they can be a blessing to all via becoming a more virtuous, nobler and wiser human being. He gives dharma talks and holds meditation classes & retreats and weekly Dharma classes at various meditation centers, Buddhist society and places that invite him.

For more details on Bro. Teoh’s dharma activities and his Kalyāṇamittaship grouping please login to his dharma website at: http://broteoh.com

Acknowledgement

It is the donors’ sincere intentions that these dharma transcript books be given free to those who are interested and have the affinity to receive them. I would like to take this opportunity to thank and rejoice in the generosity and wholesomeness of all those Dharma friends or Kalyāṇamittas who have donated and helped out in the transcription, typing, typesetting, formatting, proof reading, etc. to make this free distribution of dharma dāna possible.

Special thanks should be accorded to Sister Chee Guit Yeng (Puan Chee) who has taken her own initiative to volunteer to develop the initial draft transcript for my subsequent editing (without instruction or request from anyone) thereby enabling this dharma transcript book to be printed. Her email to me was as follow:

Dear Bro Teoh,

Attached is the draft transcript for the 23rd June 2013 SJBA talk. I am most grateful that my understanding is deepening through my own cultivation and each time I do the transcript.

Mahāsadhu! Bro Teoh for your clear pointing and guidance.

With deepest gratitude and mettā always,

Chee.

By the power of all these wholesomeness, may all beings be well and happy, free from all mental and physical sufferings and dangers and may there be love, peace and joy - deep within their hearts. And may it also pave the way for there to be causes and conditions for all dharma friends who have donated or helped out in one way or other to realize their good and noble wishes/aspirations soonest possible.

With Metta always,

Brother Teoh Kian Koon

(Dated: 30th Jan 2018)

1 Introduction

1.1 Synopsis And Notice Of Talk By SJBA

Bro. Teoh Kian Koon is giving a Dharma talk at SJBA this Sunday 23/6/2013 at 10.00am on the topic: "Importance of mindfulness and heedfulness to cope with Life's problems and suffering.' As this topic is very relevant to life it is hoped that you all can find the time to attend this rather important talk.

Human sufferings are very real and many people are afflicted by it. Even our youngsters are not exempted from it. Some of them can be very traumatic with suicidal tendencies. Grief, sorrow, lamentation, fear, worries and anxieties leading to severe depression and sadness, etc. are very common nowadays. Some consult doctors, Psychiatrists, mediums, Feng Shui masters; some seek GOD, religions and friends for help but are they really effective? Maybe some are but most of them are only temporary solutions which may not be effective at all. Instead can meditation together with understanding and medication help?

If you are interested in such topics then do come for the talk. You can also bring your friends if you like. So hope to see you all this Sunday, 23.6.2013.

1.2 Introduction by Bro. Chim, President of SJBA

Today’s dharma talk is by Bro. Teoh Kian Koon on the topic 'Importance of mindfulness and heedfulness to cope with Life's problems and suffering' (A method of stress release via meditation). This Dharma talk is in line with SJBA's mission statement to build a friendly and caring Dharma Centre filled with love, compassion and wisdom; where there are lots of members and devotees with smiling faces, warm greetings, and friendly demeanour to lend their listening ears, loving care and kindness. Without problem and stress all these are achievable.

Bro. Kian Koon graduated from the University of Malaya in Civil Engineering in February 1979. He has been a spiritual practitioner cum ‘meditator’ since 1971. Since his retirement from his Engineering career in the year 2001, he has been sharing his understanding and experiences of the Dharma with serious and keen spiritual and Dharma practitioners and others who are keen in their search for true peace, happiness, joy and liberation from birth and death and all mental suffering. In our present day society, true peace and happiness is difficult to come by. So it is Bro. Teoh’s sincere wish that this Dharma as taught by the Buddha can be a great source of very useful information to help mankind understand life thereby liberating their minds from all mental suffering and affliction.

2 Dharma talk proper by Bro. Teoh

Thank you so much to Bro. Chim for the kind introduction. A very good morning to all, brothers and sisters in the dharma. Today’s topic as you have heard is on the ‘importance of heedfulness and mindfulness to cope with life’s problems and suffering’. I think this topic is very important and that’s the reason why I chose this topic at the beginning of the year when SJBA wrote to me for my Dharma talks schedule for this year. Like what I have explained in the synopsis (that part was written by me “Human sufferings are very real…”). Most of us have gone through life. We have experienced a lot of ups and downs in life. But not everybody is that fortunate and blessed. If you have not taken care of your life properly, if you don’t have the good karma to support you, then as you go through life, there are a lot of situations or life realities that can afflict you and make you miserable. This is what the essence of the Buddha’s teaching is all about.

2.1 Essence of the Buddha’s teaching

According to the Buddha, the essence of His teaching is the ‘Four Noble Truth’. And this Four Noble Truth - all Centre on suffering, or dukkha. Dukkha is a Pāḷi word. He said human suffering is so real that liberation from birth and death, from all suffering that comes with birth and death is not easy. That’s why the Buddha actually, spent a lot of time (for eons and eons) cultivating wisdom and virtue. Then finally when He realized the complete enlightenment, He came to realize this very important truth about Life and Existence.

He called it The Four Noble Truth. This Four Noble Truth focuses solely on dukkha which is living beings’ suffering or misery and problems. The first Noble Truth talks about the realities of life and existence that can bring about dukkha. The Buddha said, `if you live long enough, you will confront all these realities.’ He has highlighted eight of them in His first Noble Truth proclamation. He said birth, old age, sickness and death, if you confront them without wisdom, suffering will be the result. We have all experienced birth in our lives, we have witnessed them too, and sometimes encountered them ourselves. During moments of sickness, disease and pending death or death; these experiences can be very traumatic. A lot of people are afflicted and affected.

Then the Buddha said, the other realities are even more significant. As you move on and step into life, He said, you will confront more severe realities. First major reality is confronting separation from loved ones, from your prized possessions, from your property, wealth and things that you hold onto dearly. Including all those that you have given so much meaning to, that you held onto so dearly. When separation happens, suffering is going to be the result unless you have developed the wisdom to confront them. Regarding this aspect, the Buddha has highlighted a few possibilities: He said, one of the possibilities of separation is divorce that arise from relationship failure. When you face situations where the spouse or the couple are having problems and they cannot move on with their relationship (even those who are not married are not exempted) then separation can happen. Then both may suffer. And not only the couple suffers, the children are also affected including the in-laws and all those who have relationship with them. They are all affected. The other aspect of separation is death. Death can happen in many ways through disease, sickness, through what you call, accidental death or sometimes, it can even happen via various types of accidents, nature’s disasters, like tsunami, hurricane, twister, earthquake, flood, etc.

Then sometimes, it can even happen during normal life situations, via kidnap, murder, snatch thief and other related incidences. If it has not happened to us, then maybe it doesn’t impact upon us so severely. But when you are affected, it can be rather traumatic. Then forced separation is another possibility, the Buddha said. When you are young, because of poverty, then sometimes, because of crisis, you get separated from your children, your brothers and sisters and all those things. Then moving on, the Buddha said, as you move through life, you will encounter situations where you have to meet up with a lot of people whom you don’t like or you cannot be at peace with. When you encounter these people without wisdom, the Buddha said, suffering will arise. You heard a lot about child abuse, right? Even in school, the school children are not exempted, the Gangsters, the bullies are quite common nowadays. Then sometimes, you work in a career environment where you are subjected to a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, a lot of deadlines that you have to meet because you may have certain bosses or superiors that are not so friendly. Then sometimes, they go by this very harsh type of management technique and principles: `Management by harassment and fear’. They harass you and put fear into you. Under such circumstances or situation, you can be subjected to an environment of very traumatic stress, full of fear, worry and anxiety leading to depression.

These situations are very common nowadays. Even young people are subject to it. The energy fields are very negative when you are faced with such situations. Then there is also what they call certain problems related to in-laws. Sometimes, when your parents remarry, you will have to confront your step-mother and step-father. Sometimes, they can be quite abusive and not so friendly. Sometimes, they can even do very severe things that can cause you a lot of suffering. You have heard of incest, child abuse and sexual harassment right? Then the other reality that almost every day, living beings are subject to (the degree somewhat varies) is what the Buddha called: ‘when you cannot get what you want, when things don’t go your way, when your expectations in life are not met, suffering is the result unless you have wisdom’.

This part affects a lot of people. But the more severe one is: ‘through not understanding life and the Buddha’s teaching, living beings deludedly grasp and cling onto their 5 aggregates of form and mind believing them to be real. The Buddha summarized all of suffering as follow: He said, ‘in short, it is due to human delusion or ignorance that condition them to grasp, cling and hold onto this entity (which we call the human being), thinking that this is real, thinking that this is what we are; is the cause of our suffering’. Then He breaks the human being down into the five aggregates of form and mind. He said, as a human being, you have a physical body, a physical form and then you have a mind, a consciousness that is trapped inside. This consciousness that is trapped inside, can be broken down further into four more aggregates of mind. The reason being, the consciousness or the mind that is trapped inside, can feel, can perceive the world, the reality, and it can also arise emotions, mental states, thought processes, thinking etc. He called this saṅkhāra. Then He said our mind and consciousness together with this physical body that has the sense bases can allow us to be conscious of things.

We have the organs of the eye, ear, etc. so we can be conscious of what we see, what we hear, what we smell, what we taste, what we tactilely feel and think. These are the karmically-conditioned form and mind that comes with birth. You are actually endowed with all these beautiful senses. But you don’t know what they are. You deludedly grasp and cling: the Buddha said when you do that suffering will arise because craving leads to grasping, clinging and attachment which are the cause of suffering. So, because of your ignorance and delusion, you grasp and cling and hold onto these five aggregates of form and mind, thinking that they are what you are and they are so real. And because of that, it conditions your wrong view that conditions you to grasp, cling and arise the craving to be afflicted. And the end result is suffering, when you don’t understand. So, this is the final summary of the 1st Noble Truth: the reality of life and existence and what suffering is?

First, He explained to you clearly how you get yourself entangled and how you get yourself afflicted by all these realities of life and existence which not only you are subject to, but all of humanity and living beings who have lived long enough are also subject to. It is a common problem, it is a universal problem of humanity. So, the Buddha’s intention is to liberate from birth and death because with birth, it will end up with death. And in between, there is what He called, the reality of life which will afflict you and make you miserable. So, this 1st Noble Truth is very important. A lot of living beings suffer without knowing why they suffer, why they are afflicted.

Suffering is so real but they cannot see. They still blame other people and the world for what happened despite their fear, worry, anxiety, sadness, sorrow and lamentation leading to severe depression and miseries. And nowadays, if you take a look at the modern younger generation, they are already being subjected to a lot of stress and pressure, leading to depression at a very young age. They end up seeing psychiatrists and trauma doctors. And you can see them in hospitals. You can also check around, almost every family, every living being who have lived long enough, they must have gone through a lot of stressful moments and suffering which is a very common phenomenon.

Then the Buddha moved on to the 2nd Noble Truth: He said, there is a cause behind this suffering. And the cause He already explained under the final summary of the 1st Noble Truth. It’s your ignorance, your delusion that conditions you to grasp and cling via craving. Craving can be positive and negative craving via wanting things your way. When you cannot get what you want, suffering is the end result because the delusion conditions you to crave, to cling, to hold, to grasp via thinking they are real, thinking you can own them, you can have them. Just like this body, if you attach and cling to this body, thinking that it is you, then what happen? You will worry about it getting old, getting sick and one day die isn’t it? This is because you don’t understand who you are, what you are and what death is. That’s why without heedfulness and mindfulness, you cannot understand life. So, the Buddha said, the very basis of living a holy life is to understand life. And how can we understand life? We need to understand the important laws that govern all of life and existence. And these laws have two parts, one is the scientific law or materialistic law within the conditioned world of materialism. The other one is the spiritual law that can enable you to develop the spiritual understanding and wisdom to understand the spiritual aspect of life. And when you understand these laws, you will understand the secret of life because these are the laws that govern life and existence.

The Four Noble Truth is one of the most important spiritual laws that you need to truly understand. So, the Buddha first explained, what is suffering via proclaiming the 1st Noble Truth of dukkha or suffering. Then, the 2nd Noble Truth of the cause of arising of suffering which is craving borne of your self-delusion and ignorance. Then, He moved on to say, there is a 3rd Noble Truth on cessation of dukkha, the ending of dukkha, the liberation of the mind, the realization of enlightenment where the Buddha said, ‘suffering need not be when you have the wisdom, when you have trained your mind to be heedful, to be mindful to develop the meditation as taught by Him so that you can realize the Dharma or the wisdom that He has taught us, the Noble Truth He had realized and taught to us’.

Then, enlightenment in the here and the now is possible; suffering need not be, all of life problems can come to an end. This is the part that we are interested in: - the realization of Nibbāna, the enlightenment, that can bring about complete liberation from human suffering, from all mental suffering, free from all life problems and situations, no more fear, no more worry, no more anxiety, no more sorrow and lamentation, no more of all those depression and negativity. Then, after that, the Buddha moved on to the final Noble Truth which is the 4th Noble Truth. He not only said what is possible, He even taught you how to do it. He said under this 4th Noble Truth, there is a Path that can lead us to the end of all suffering, namely, the Noble Eightfold Path.

If you cultivate this Noble Eightfold Path which has eight noble path factors that can make you noble ones or enlightened ones, then, it will lead to the end of (or cessation of) all suffering, then no more problem, no more suffering. This is basically the introduction and a summary to explain to you how beautiful the Buddha Dharma is, how beautiful the Buddha’s message is and how fortunate we are as Buddhists to have this teaching that can give rise to such good understanding of life.

Now I will go into the Dharma talk proper. If you may recall, the Buddha before He passed away or before He entered Nibbāna (they call it the great Parinibbāna of the Buddha), over two thousand five hundred plus years ago. What was His final instruction to all his disciples and his lay devotees? Can you all remember? What did the Buddha say? Some of you may know, anybody? Huh, yes, very good and Sadhu! `Strive on with heedfulness, do not be heedless anymore.’ The Pāḷi word is 'Appamādena Sampādetha.’ This is the final advice. Why did the Buddha say that? Because according to the Buddha, He has realized this rather important truth that the only mind quality that you need to have is this heedfulness or mindfulness. Then you are assured of the spiritual life, the noble life and enlightenment will follow. So it sounds quite easy, isn’t it? I only need to be heedful or mindful then I am already on the path to enlightenment. And all these, the Buddha actually mentioned and emphasized on them under his Dhammapada verses. Have you all heard of these Dhammapada verses 21, 22 and 23?

Under the Dhammapada there are 423 verses that the Buddha spoke and these are all eternal truth. Even until today, each and every of these Dhammapada verse still stand, never get obsolete because they are evergreen. During my early days, I tried to contemplate and reflect, `how can the Buddha be so wise?’ 423 of these evergreen truths! Ask me to come out with one truth that can last a century or two, also not easy because a lot of the so-called truth that living beings come out with, sooner or later they become obsolete. Even certain scientific truths can also become obsolete. Later understanding will make them obsolete. But the Buddha is so wise. All these Dhammapada verses that He spoke 2500+ years ago, had remained eternally valid until today.

That’s why it’s very unique. There are twenty verses within this Appamāda vagga. Appamāda is heedfulness, the verses on heedfulness. And the starting verse is verse 21. And the Buddha made it very clear. He said, `Heedfulness is the path to the deathless whereas heedlessness is the path to the dead. The heedful never die whereas the heedless are as if dead.’ This is a very important truth. It explains to you clearly the importance of heedfulness. Without heedfulness, He said, you are as if dead, - what does it mean? It means, you may be alive, conscious of life, but you are spiritually dead because there is no spiritual life for you anymore. That’s why you are as if dead because through delusion, through ignorance, you only existed through life, you never live, whereas the heedful never die because for those who are heedful, they understand through their cultivation and wisdom, what death is. And they understand clearly, ‘Nothing dies and no one dies’ because it is anattā, non-self and empty nature of existence. So, because of that, the heedful never die. And they are destined for enlightenment because Dhammapada verses 22 and 23 that follow, clearly pointed out to the monks and the devotees at that time, the importance of heedfulness.

Dhammapada verse 22 is a continuation of verse 21. The Buddha said, `clearly and distinctly understanding the great difference between heedfulness and heedlessness, the wise intent on heedfulness. And because they do that, they will rejoice in the realm of the Ariyas or the enlightened ones’. See, when you intent on heedfulness, you will be assured of enlightenment. You can rejoice in the realm of the enlightened beings, the Ariyas.

Then verse 23 confirms everything. Under Dhammapada verse 23, the Buddha said; ‘the ever mindful, constantly meditative and the steadfast one, they will definitely realize the supreme bond-free enlightenment that He called Nibbāna. So, what is ever mindful? Ever mindful means you are most of the time continuously aware and mindful. Then constantly meditative means using this mindfulness that you have developed or trained to constantly cultivate the Noble Eightfold Path. Within this Noble Eightfold Path is also the Four Noble Truth cultivation as stated under the 1st path factor of Right View and the 7th path factor of Samma Sati (under the 5th category of practices of Dhammānupassanā - the Fourth Foundations of Mindfulness). All His essential dharma or teachings spin off from the Four Noble Truth. That’s why when you use it to cultivate the essential Dharma that the Buddha taught, that is constantly meditative. So, when you combine these two, ever mindful and constantly meditative, you become heedful. The steadfast ones means you hold onto this heedfulness practices steadfastly or continuously; you are destined to realize this Supreme born-free Nibbāna.

2.2 Importance of Heedfulness

This is the most important Dhammapada verse that you should bear in mind. That’s why heedfulness is very important. Heedfulness will lead you to the cultivation of the meditation as taught by the Buddha, which is the cultivation of the Noble Eightfold Path and only this can free you, nothing else in this world. This brings me back to the point where during the month of February, I was supposed to have my first scheduled talk on ‘the benefits of meditation’ here. But, I didn’t have the chance to come and give that talk which I must sincerely apologize because I had to go through an angioplasty procedure. So, I missed out on that talk but don’t worry. I will include that topic in my today’s Dharma talk because they are related.

Heedfulness will lead to the meditation as taught by the Buddha. So today I will just add in this part – ‘The benefits of meditation’. When you are heedful, what does it mean? It means you are ever mindful plus constantly cultivating the Noble Eightfold Path (which is the meditation as taught by the Buddha). So, this is most important because like what we had discussed just now, the Fourth Noble Truth is about cultivating this Noble Eightfold Path. If you cultivate this Eightfold Path, it will lead to the cessation of all suffering (all of life’s problems will cease to be). So, Heedfulness = Ever mindful + constantly meditative. Without mindfulness, you cannot start. Mindfulness is an English translation of the word sati used by the Buddha. The real meaning of sati or mindfulness is awareness before the knowing. When you are silent and aware before the thought or aggregates of mind come out, that is Sati. And when you are in Sati, you can ‘see things as they are’, your mind are not clouded by the thought, by the aggregates of mind. There is no activity and no movement inside. But the awareness can allow you to see things as they are to awaken to the truth and the reality. That’s how you cultivate the Noble Eightfold Path. That’s how wisdom comes to be. This will bring us to the topic ‘the Benefits of Meditation’ which I wanted to include in my today’s talk.

Since Heedfulness can lead us to the meditation as taught by the Buddha, then what are the benefits that can arise with this type of meditation? Can anybody try and give me some answers? Some of you have done meditation before, right? So what are the benefits that will come your way if you do this type of meditation? We call it the mindfulness meditation. Anybody wants to try? The first benefit is very simple and obvious, isn’t it? When you meditate, what happens to you? You become more peaceful and calmer, isn’t it? So, what type of benefit is it? You gain Inner peace, right? Inner peace is very important, for Peace is very difficult to come by nowadays. If you can get inner peace, it can help you so much in life. Especially so when you are in the midst of suffering, having a lot of fear, worry, anxiety, sorrow and lamentation and your mind very restless because you have problems related to life. Do you all know what the common problems of life are? Just now, we shared the eight realities of life and existence which is the Buddha’s way of explaining life’s situation and problems during the early days. But nowadays, society has evolved and become more sophisticated. So, we can actually reclassify the eight realities into actual human problems and suffering that you can relate to. Let us now summarize what the First Noble Truth is.

2.3 The 1st Noble Truth

The First Noble Truth’s 8 realities of life and existence are: First, He talked about birth, old age, sickness and death. Old age, sickness, birth and death we can relate them to your health problems, isn’t it? Especially getting old, having sickness and facing death; these are rather traumatic problem that human beings have to confront. Nowadays, cancer, stroke, heart attack and a lot of other rather traumatic diseases such as HIV, brain tumour, Kidney failure etc. are very common. So, health problems are very real. When you and your loved ones are confronted with these types of very severe health issues, it can give rise to a lot of fear, worry, anxiety and sadness leading to depression. The thought will project and you will attach, cling and hold (via delusion) because you don’t understand what is going on.

So, health problem is a major problem. Then, of course, we have the next reality which is old age. Old age means going through the aging process which can be equally traumatic because you can develop what they call very severe dementia and arthritis problems. Then, as you age, your senses start to fail you and your health starts to deteriorate. You become very fragile, very weak and you are full of health related problems. This is what the Buddha label as old age or the reality of aging. So, physical suffering leading to mental suffering is very common because physically you are affected through old age and your consciousness which is trapped inside will feel it. Sometimes, you don’t need old age to cause such suffering. When you have an injury due to accident, you have to confront them too because your consciousness is trapped inside. There is a lot of pain, a lot of suffering leading to insomnia (inability to have proper sleep), sadness and depression.

Then, the third reality is what they call, money problem. Money problem in modern term is call financial problem. This one can be very real, isn’t it? Those with financial problem, especially those who got themselves entangled with loan sharks, can have very severe problem. Then sometimes when you are confronted with poverty, or your children need to go to university or you need money to resolve certain issues like to help them go through the operation or medical procedure, and you don’t have the money (especially if they want to go to university) and you become desperate. So, financial problem can be quite an issue. Then when you are in business you are caught in a situation where you are short of capital and you have cash flow problem and you may be wipe off, that can be very traumatic too. Then when your business is not doing well, you have cash flow problems, financial problems leading to fear of business failure, bankruptcy, etc. Even young graduates nowadays - a lot of them have credit cards problem leading to legal actions by the bank. You have heard of these right? Some of them are already bankrupt because a high percentage of them just survive on credit card via paying the 5% minimum charge.

Then the fourth reality is career related. This one, career problem can be very severe too. What else can torment you? Relationship problem, isn’t it? Your relationship with your loved ones. This is to help us redefine the First Noble Truth realities. And these are very real problems and even if you are very successful in life, when you confront some of these realities or problems, you can still become afflicted because relationship problems is not something money can help resolve. Or health issues and problem is also not something money can really help you to resolve. It may bring about better conditions for better medical services and affordability but it doesn’t finally help you out because money cannot buy health. Then, when it comes to mental suffering it is worst.

The sixth reality is mental suffering. That’s why we have a lot of depression cases nowadays. They have mental issues. They can’t actually live with those thoughts, those very negative obsessive, compulsive and intrusive thoughts that constantly arise in their mind leading to suicidal thoughts etc. Nowadays, psychiatrists recognize such mental problem and they call it OCD (Obsessive, Compulsive disorder).

Then, the seventh reality is when you break the law, when you overstep the line, when you get yourself into legal problems and entanglement. So, all these can be very traumatic, very severe and it can bring about a lot of problems especially those problems involving police cases. Especially if your children or loved ones are involved in drugs, murder, crime etc. All these can be very serious. And the fear they go through can be very severe. Those who have experienced all these will know. All these are very real life related issues.

2.4 Benefits of meditation

The benefits of meditation are very important. When you are faced with all these life related problems, for normal people their minds are very restless with a lot of fear, worry, anxiety and sadness and these are all negative energy fields which can cause your immune system to go down. The reason being fear, worry, anxiety, sadness, sorrow and lamentation can cause your cells to mutate and become stressful. So, this is the source of traumatic disease, leading to death. When you are confronted with all these and you don’t know how to recuperate or recover from it, then you go and see doctors; what they can do for you is give you some form of medication. Maybe, physically, they can have an impact on you but most of the time, they will tell you, it’s more of a mental problem. They cannot help you in that sense then you go see psychiatrists. Psychiatrists also depend on which one you see. There are some that are quite good, they know how to monitor you and lead you out of it. But, most of the time it is not a permanent fix or solution because most of them may not have the dharma to explain to you clearly how you get yourself entangled. Most of them, use drugs, tranquilizer and medication to help you sleep better and to stabilize your chemical imbalance, to make you feel better.

Like, when you have these panic attack, anxiety, insomnia leading to the depression and all those mental related issues, what do they do? They will give you some medication. Most of it is sedative. They call it tranquilizer that make you sleepy because most people with depression cannot sleep. They got insomnia problem and they become very miserable. That’s why it leads to suicidal thoughts and tendencies and it’s very traumatic because they want to sleep, but they cannot sleep. They want to be peaceful but they cannot because these panic attacks can come any time. There’s a lot of fear in them. So, this type of suffering which is mental suffering is so real. How are we going to deal with it? The Buddha said, you develop heedfulness. To develop heedfulness, you must train your mundane heedless thinking mind in awareness or mindfulness. Then, from there, use it to meditate, to cultivate the Noble 8-Fold Path leading to heedfulness. When you start to meditate, the benefits of meditation will help you recover and recuperate from all these so-called negative energy fields or mind states that can cause your immune system to go down and for you to succumb to all these diseases.

When you are mindful, aware and without thought, you are very serene, very peaceful and very calm. So, inner peace is the first mental benefit that can come about with this type of meditation. This inner peace born of Pīti will arise when you are mindful without thought. Pīti is a meditative joy or rapture. So, when you have inner peace, you will have this pīti, leading to sukha. Sukha is mental blissfulness leading to the tranquillity or stillness of mind or the state of passaddhi. Passaddhi is the silent mind, the mind that is without thought and just aware. The silent mind will make you very peaceful and very calm. So, this inner peace will bring about a lot of good positive stillness and silent energy, and this positive mental energy is conserved because it’s not lost in thoughts, it’s not channelled into fear, worry, anxiety and wrong thought. During this moment, you can understand truth because there is clarity. And if you use it to radiate mettā or loving kindness, it can bring about the second benefit which is inner well-being. Your mind and heart feel a lot better, you feel a lot more peaceful, calmer, more positive and more confident within.

This inner peace, inner well-being will lead to third benefit which is the clarity of mind. Your mind has clarity because it’s not pre-occupied with fear, worry and anxiety and it’s also not restlessness or confused. When you are very peaceful and calm, you have clarity, you can reflect and contemplate into whatever life’s issues or problems that you have. Then, with that clarity, you can develop some form of understanding to cope with it, to overcome it. That’s how meditation can help you in a very big way. But the most important thing is to use this clarity of mind (which is the silent mind), to meditate and arise the wisdom via seeing things as they are. That’s why the fourth benefit is wisdom, the wisdom that arises from proper meditation can free your mind. And when you meditate with heedfulness, awareness and clarity of mind, you can know exactly how you get yourself entangled in life, how you actually via delusion, grasp, cling, hold and react to arise the craving which condition your suffering; how the evil roots come to be and make you evil and how the evil roots condition your mental suffering. So, all these, you will start to understand. Then you will also start to understand the Noble Truth very clearly. The Buddha’s words will become very clear to you. The realities of life and existence, the first eight conditions or realities that the Buddha spoke about will also be very clear to you. Then, all these that I had mentioned will also become very clear to you. If you don’t have delusion, all these negativities of mind states will not arise. That’s why the Buddha said, suffering need not be when you have the wisdom, when you have the understanding.

When you are able to develop inner peace it means: - Every time, you have a problem, you just go back to a quiet place, to meditate and silent your mind. So, that it will develop the inner peace and inner well-being. But, this is only a temporary solution in the sense that when you are out of it and back to life, the problem can come back to you. That’s why when you have these two states of inner peace and inner well-being, you will have this clarity of mind, and then you must use it to meditate to develop the wisdom because without wisdom, you cannot free yourself. But, when wisdom comes to be, all the delusion that conditions you to grasp, cling and hold and make you miserable, will slowly and surely fade away, leading to the happiness and joy deep within your mind because for the first time in your life, you understand there is a way out of suffering.

This way is so beautiful and the Buddha has taught it to us so clearly. That’s why when you start to insight into reality, life and existence, the characteristics of nature and when you start to understand the noble teaching of impermanence, suffering state and non-self (or aniccaṃ, dukkhaṃ, anattā), your mind opens up. It liberates the mind because that clarity leading to the wisdom is so powerful. It cuts across all delusion and frees you completely. And for the first time in your life, life becomes meaningful, life becomes beautiful, no more suffering, no more problems. Then, after that, the associated benefits will come. You will have good sleep. A lot of them with insomnia problem will like this. Then, you can use this meditative mind to do good and other wholesome things so that you can be a blessing to the world.

And when you radiate more mettā, cultivate the Noble Eightfold Path more and more, you will become more virtuous. You will have right Views, which means you understand the secret of life, you understand the spiritual law that governs life and existence, you are no longer deluded. Then, it will condition you to arise the right thought, right speech and right action and you will become such a beautiful living being. Then, the way you live your life, is based on right living and right livelihood. You will constantly cultivate the Four Right Efforts to purify your thought and to make yourself more and more virtuous, with less and less negativity. And finally, you develop mindfulness leading to heedfulness and the Samadhi to realize the enlightenment. That’s why Noble Eightfold Path is very powerful. When you have them, it can actually help you in a very big way.

So, once your mind is trained, peaceful, with inner peace leading to inner well-being, clarity and wisdom, you will not have any more worry, fear and anxiety or any other negativity of mind states. Your mind will not have any more attachment and craving. It’s a free mind. That’s how this mind can sleeps very well. There is very good sleep, and to have good sleep is not easy, do you know that? For those who have insomnia, they will know. For some after taking the sleeping pill the psychiatrist or doctor has given them, they will have good sleep and they feel very good. But, most of these sedative medication that they gave you, after you wake up, you are still groggy. But, at least, it prevents your mental activity from causing you insomnia. So, it’s like knock you out, make you unconscious, just like when you take antibiotic. It’s to knock you off so that your internal system will have a chance to recuperate, so that this nature can actually bring about recovery or healing. The reason being when you are thinking, your negative thoughts prevent your nature from working on the necessary requisite conditions to recuperate you. That’s why when you have good and deep sleep, it’s like you feel recharged the next day. Sometimes, if you know how to meditate - when you are very tired, you just silent your mind to meditate for 5, 10 or 20 minutes, you will recover very well and you feel very good, because the inner peace, the inner calmness and inner well-being can heal and recuperate the cells. All those cells that have been stressed out and tired, they are like recharged. The positive energy makes them feel good and your immune system recover. So, good sleep is one of them. Then, with this clarity of mind and ability to see things clearly, you will be able to study better or do your work more efficiently; which means whatever thing that you attempt to do, like career, research or whatever, you will and you can do them more efficiently. You need to have this type of mind for you to be a blessing to all. When you have the meditation, the wisdom and the Noble Eightfold Path cultivated, you are very beautiful. You can be a blessing not only to you, but to all i.e. to your loved ones, your friends, your colleagues and anybody who has relationship with you, to society, to the community and even to the environment and the planetary consciousness because every thought you arise is so beautiful. This is the last benefit - blessing to all. So, all these are the important benefits of meditation that can arise the moment you develop heedfulness. And heedfulness comes from mindfulness and to be mindful, you need to understand two things which the Buddha actually explained very clearly under His teaching. He said human beings are not peaceful, not mindful and not able to develop the meditative or inner peace and the inner calmness to meditate is because they have a lot of mental hindrances. He called them the five mental hindrances of mind. These five mental hindrances are very real. He said the first two are your sensual desire and your ill-will. These two are a pair and it’s also related to your evil roots of greed and hatred.

Every time you see something, hear something, smell something, taste something, or tactilely feel and think, without wisdom and the equanimity of mind and the Samadhi, you will react to what you see, what you hear, what you smell etc. and your reaction is always either negative or positive. If you like the sensual experience then you have positive craving and that is sensual desire. The moment you develop this, your mind is distracted. You are preoccupied with that sense experience, there is no more clarity and you cannot meditate anymore because this mind that is preoccupied with sensual experience is lost in thought, hence heedless. Then when you react negatively, you arise fear, worry, anxiety, sadness and dislike. That’s why you have a lot of likes and dislikes, pleasant and unpleasant sense experiences and these are the dualities of life. These are the first two hindrances of mind which hinders you from entering the meditative state of inner peace and calmness. That’s why there is no more inner peace, inner calmness leading to inner well-being.

So, this aspect of understanding is very important. The third hindrance is sleepiness, lethargic mind, sloth and torpor. The Buddha said if you don’t understand the importance of meditation, of training this mind to be mindful, to be heedful and you don’t see the importance of it because you cannot understand life, then you will feel sleepy. It’s just like when you attend a class you don’t like, you don’t know what’s going on and you will feel sleepy. That sleepiness is a mental hindrance. When you are sleepy, you are not aware. The mind doesn’t have clarity. That is why you cannot be peaceful and you cannot meditate. The Buddha said, the fourth hindrance which is restlessness of mind is the worst. Which means your mind becomes very agitated and restless. Why did it happen? Why are you not happy and peaceful? It’s because you have problems, like health problem, financial problem, career problem, relationship problem, mental problem, old age and sickness, the fear of death, children’s problem, in-law problem, neighbour’s problem, etc. So all these problems lead to fear, worry, anxiety, sadness, sorrow and lamentation. That’s why your mind becomes restless and it is not peaceful because of your worries, fear and anxiety. Nowadays a lot of parents worry about their children, their career, their relationship and their children’s future.

Then, you also have so many things to worry about: your health problem, your financial position, your business, your relationship with people etc. There are so many things that can make you full of worry, anxiety and fear. So, when these things comes about, your mind is not peaceful, restless, agitated and you will think a lot. The more you think, the more fear arise because it projects the thoughts. `What happen if…...’ these words are not a reality yet but you projected those thought and develop the fear unnecessarily. That’s how you become anxious. When your children don’t come back in time, they are late especially so if they are your daughters, you may worry like mad. Then sometimes, spouse, or the husband went out, twelve o’clock midnight still not back yet, you still wide awake, waiting, and waiting; call, the hand phone no reply because switched off, then you worry more. When he comes back, you get angry because all sorts of thoughts went through your mind, you think that fellow is trying to do something funny outside. You confront him via asking, ‘why don’t you on your hand phone?’ So all these misunderstanding can lead to further suffering in life when there is lack of trust, when there is no sincerity in the relationship, when there is no understanding of each other, then suffering becomes more and more real. Then when you take things for granted especially between spouses; when you don’t know how to arise the appropriate right speeches to make them feel good and happy; when you do not appreciate their contribution to the family unit, then problems and misunderstanding will arise. That’s why you must appreciate life; do appreciate what they have done for you, their love, their care and their sacrifices. Even as children, you should appreciate what your parents have done for you. And as parents, we should also appreciate how our children actually think of us, help us in whatever way. Especially between spouses, if you take things for granted, there is no more appreciation and love, then it develops hatred and misunderstanding. You can see these very clearly because they always argue, the ego will take over. And every time they argue, there is no right speech anymore, gentle, pleasant and kind speeches, all gone and no more, only angry and egoic speeches comes to be. So, life is like that, when you don’t have wisdom, when you don’t have understanding, the mind gets agitated because of the wrong thought. That’s why, cultivating Noble Eightfold Path is about abandoning wrong thought and cultivating right thought. Wrong thought are thoughts that condition your fear, worry, anxiety, suffering, misery, your selfishness, your emotional negativity, etc. These are all wrong thoughts. So, very easy, isn’t it? Whenever you’re not happy and peaceful, whatever you think are the wrong thoughts. Then, what are right thoughts? If you have right thought, it will condition you to have right speech, right action and right livelihood following the Noble Eightfold Path, then life becomes beautiful. So, what are right thoughts? The easiest answer is what? Thoughts that don’t have the evil roots. Anything that is not wrong thought is right thought, isn’t it?

But you don’t know how to put it into practice. So, you actually have to reflect and contemplate on what constitute right thought? In the text, it is mentioned that the 4 Brahma Vihāra are the 4 right thoughts. When you have that as the base, it becomes right thought. But, you must understand what these are. The first Brahma Vihāra state is mettā. When you have mettā, you have right thought. Do you know what mettā is? True mettā, is universal love. When you have mettā, you can never get angry, you can never get jealous. There is no more negativity, there is only love. So, when you arise thoughts based on love, there is no anger, envy and jealousy; they are gone because you really love and with this love, you can only radiate well-being and happiness to all.

And right thought that has love should be the basis for good relationship. When I love you, I respect you, I appreciate what you have done, I care for you, and I will talk to you very nicely. I’m no longer angry with you, I accept you for what you are. Then I will do my best to bring about good relationship via arising the kind, gentle and pleasant speeches that can bring about happiness, joy, harmony and understanding to our life and relationship. Then the family unit becomes beautiful. You can go back and try it out. For the first time, if you can go back and tell your wife, (I don’t know what you call her, honey or what?) – ‘Honey, thank you so much for what you have done and sacrifice for us’. She will be very surprised because you never do that. Why all of a sudden like that, then she may think (initially) my hubby must be up to something, otherwise he won’t be so courteous and nice to me.

But if you express it sincerely via telling her the truth: ‘actually I have recently reflected and I really appreciate your great contribution and sacrifice for our family, for us all. You have helped us looked after the household, the marketing, the cooking, the washing, etc. and we know these are not easy things to do. I hire a maid also not so reliable, I have to pay, I have to take the trouble to go to the maid agency to sort all these out: contact maid agency, renew her contract, and pay her levy and agency fee and all the other related things. Besides, there are so many problems related to maid, but you are my wife, I don’t have to pay, and yet you willingly do all these for us with true love and sacrifice, I really appreciate and thank you so much. I truly rejoice’.

When you do that, your wife will be very happy and she will work for you more. There is also a lot of joy when she does those work because she is being appreciated. But, if you take for granted and ignore her contribution, do you know what your wife will think? ‘This guy thinks I am a maid (`asam poh’ in Hokkien); every day, ask me to do all these things but never appreciate what I have done’. So, out of that anger and unhappiness, do you know what will happen? The cooking also no good, the washing also no good, then when he comments, she will tell him off. ‘You so good, you wash lah, you cook lah’. Then she may say ‘I am going on strike. You take care of the children and household.’ You just argue. But when you appreciate what they have done with the kind and appropriate right speeches, they feel so good and happy. Then, everything they do for you, you say, ‘thank you so much’. You don’t just take things for granted and get angry. Most spouse, they are not sensitive to feel for their spouse; ‘I know lah, don’t repeat this thing and don’t every time nag me!’ If you do this then how to communicate, where are the kind, gentle and understanding right speeches? The wife also unhappy. Whole day, especially housewives, sacrifice doing all these for you and when you come back, not a word of appreciation, some more receive scolding from you, what type of husband is that? Their thought will think negatively. And when you also think this way, do you think your wife will be happy? And do you know why the husband is like that? Because he himself has enough problems in the office. That’s why when he comes home, he’s already not happy. He then acted out his frustration. But people without the Dharma are like that. You cannot solve your problems because you don’t have clarity of mind. You don’t feel for your loved ones. You don’t know how they go through life. But, when you feel for them, you appreciate what they have done, then you arise your right thought leading to the right speech and right action.

You tell your wife, `Honey, you have done well. I think tonight you deserve a good meal. Let’s go for dinner. Where do you want to go?’ For the first time you ask that, I can tell you she will be very happy. There is a lot of joy too but it doesn’t mean it’s only for the wife. The wife can also do the opposite for the husband. You can tell him the opposite, `I understand how much you have sacrificed for the family, you work so hard, sometimes at the expense of your own freedom, your own holiday. But you make sure that was what they do. Otherwise, it’s not sincere. You have to bring about, what they call good relationship through understanding them and supporting them. That’s why they always have this good saying, isn’t it? ‘For every man’s success, there is a woman behind’, correct or not? But sometimes the woman may not be the wife. But most of the time, it’s the wife that is responsible. But the funny thing about man is, without wisdom, when they have too much money that is the time the wife is worried. The strange thing is when they don’t have money, the wife is also worried. So, what do they want? Maybe they want the husband to have just enough money, not too much. This is your fear, isn’t it? That’s why if you have the Dharma, all these problems won’t arise. Then, the wealth will come, the blessings that you have developed through your cultivation, like your good karma, your good merits will bring about a lot of goodness and well-being to you.

If you have a lot of generosity, a lot of kindness, you will have the good karma. That’s why when you think of generosity, it’s a right thought. When you think of helping people, contributing back to society, to help humanity in whatever way, through service, charity or whatever, these are right thoughts. Then, thoughts of sincerity, contentment, respect, gratitude; all these are all right thoughts. Not necessary only the four Brahma Vihāra. Then, learn to rejoice in the goodness, kindness, generosity and wholesomeness of others especially your loved ones via saying `Sadhu to you for you have done a lot of good things!’ Don’t always complain, via saying, `Why simply donate? You think money is not money, ah?’ - Your wife wants to do charity, you go and pour cold water. By doing so, you bring about conflict and unnecessary misunderstanding. But if it’s her money and she wants to do this because it is something wholesome, then you should rejoice. Even if she asks money from you because she is a housewife, she has got no income, you should consider because this is goodness, this is meritorious, this is kindness, why not if you can afford, you just support her. Then it becomes right thought, no more negativity. So, the teaching is very beautiful. I don’t have enough time to elaborate on the cultivation of the Noble Eightfold Path because it’s a very wide topic.

So, right view leading to the right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood and the four right efforts are very important. If you can cultivate this first six Noble Eightfold Path factors, it’s already very good especially as a lay person. Then when you develop wisdom and the meditation via right mindfulness and Samadhi it will arise the spiritual understanding that you need to complement your materialistic life. This will then bring about the complete understanding of life. Without spiritual understanding, life is incomplete. You can still have suffering when you confront the Noble Truth without wisdom. So, with this, I will conclude my today’s talk and I hope it benefits you all. Thank you so much for your patience and attentiveness in hearing me out.

Bro. Chim: Sadhu! (3x) Thank you so much Bro. Teoh for your very interesting and enlightening talk this morning. I think it has touched on the lives of most of us. We, our families, our friends and relatives have also encountered countless life problems that have caused so much pain, lamentation, grief and despair and anxiety and worry and so on and so forth. And Bro. Teoh has explained to us how to overcome all these through understanding the secret of life, the Four Noble Truth. Any questions you would like to pose to Bro. Teoh?

2.5 Question and Answers

Question 1 from the floor: Firstly, thank you very much, Bro. Teoh for sharing your knowledge. In fact, this is one of the best Dharma talks I have attended. My question is this: Buddha has definitely described a lot about suffering. Did He ever describe about depression during his time or any experience He had been dealing with it or He had seen during His time? Thanks.

Bro. Teoh: Thank you so much for the question. It’s a very good question. I have to be frank with you. I was not around when the Buddha was around. I cannot answer that question but roughly based on my nature’s understanding and my cultivation, I can share this with you. During the Buddha’s time, life was simpler. Society was not so evolved, so sophisticated and during that time, renunciation is actually an honour to the family. Going forth by one of your family members becoming a monk, is considered a very honourable thing. But nowadays, parents are different. They are so materialistic. Once they hear their son wanting to renounce, `Aiyah! Study for so many years to become a graduate professional and then wasted their life to become a monk’. They cannot understand its importance. Then, during the time of the Buddha, there were not so many sophisticated economic activities. Life was not so stressful but simpler. So, very likely they have no chance for depression. Do you know why? It is Maslow’s need theory or hierarchy which is very simple. What are the first two basic needs that human beings look for? Food and shelter, isn’t it? When there is not enough food on the table and shelter over the head, what is the first thing that you look for in life? You want to fulfil these two needs. That’s why you work, work and work and look for these food and shelter because they don’t have such things as health issues etc. The reason being they can’t afford to fall sick. I remember when I was young, during the sixties when I was very young, not to say during Buddha’s time, during the sixties and the fifties when I was very young, even in the early seventies before I went to university, I saw in my village, people getting sick. They don’t really know what this sickness was because they have no idea of what cancer was, what TB was. They thought it was normal. If they could just go on with their life, they would go on, even very sick until in the death bed, they still refused to go to the hospital. They preferred to go and see the medium, the Chinese Sinseh. That was the tradition at that time and most of the suffering at that time was very much less, not so complicated as our society now. However for our society now, the stress and sensuality level are so high. That’s why the Internet has made a big difference to what society is nowadays. During the olden days, everything was very slow and you need to walk very far. So, people were mainly towards agriculture, skill sets, cultivating spiritual understanding and doing small retail businesses. I believe there may be some monks who had problems because as a monk, sometimes, it’s not easy. You feel very lonely at times, you meditate until you don’t know what’s going on, can be very confused because the Saṅkhāra are like that when one is lacking in wisdom.

Then, there is also politics within the Sangha community. You can read the Sutta, then you will know. They aligned themselves to different disciples of the Buddha. That’s why you can see the schism that Devadatta created. Remember Devadatta, the cousin brother of the Buddha? He wanted the Buddha to implement strict vegetarian into the monk’s rules. He knew the Buddha won’t agree because the Buddha has his reasons for it. So, he tried to impress the other followers. `See, the Buddha is not serious,’ he said. `He didn’t even want to implement vegetarian.’ To Devadatta, implementing vegetarian means, he is more compassionate but this is just outwardly, it’s not at the heart level. It’s outwardly telling people, I’m vegetarian, I implement this rule. So, he managed to pull one group out of it. That’s how schism happened at that time, due to difference of opinions. Then, later on, they even had this issue before the Buddha passed away, his Parinibbāna.

Some were aligned to Mahakassapa, some were aligned to Ananda and Sariputta. I think this type of politics, even in the office, you can witness a lot, aligning to whatever factions. There are a lot of rather weird human behaviour, a common phenomenon of humanity because when there is still delusion, the attachment, the clinging, the craving will be there. So, this question about, `did the Buddha talk about depression during his time?’ - I really can’t answer you because I didn’t see it mention anywhere in the Sutra. But, based on what I understand, there are less cases at that time, even if have, it’s more towards the community of monks rather than the lay people. The lay people their lives were simpler. But for those who renounce and become monks, they were more philosophical. They thought deep into life. So, when you think too much, psychological and mental problems can arise because wisdom is not to be found at the thought level. So, this is how I understand and see it. I just share what I understand and I have to be very frank. Whatever I don’t know, I tell you I don’t know because during the Buddha’s time, I was not around and I don’t read so much of the Sutta so this is how I will understand it, okay? Thank you and I hope I have answered your question. Thank you and sadhu! Anymore questions?

Question 2 by Bro. Chim: Just one question for Brother Teoh. My daughter, first year, Psychology and Business student, she’s doing her internship now at a psychology Centre in Kuala Lumpur. Yesterday, she came back and she shared with me that a couple came to the Centre and look for the psychologist, her boss, posing a very funny question by the wife. The wife said she was very depressed because she just cannot stand her husband staring at other ladies. So, I just laughed off what she said because over such a small thing also can become depressed. But now, after listening to your talk this morning, it can be quite real. What is the remedy you would like to prescribe? I didn’t ask my daughter what the psychiatrist advised. I would like your advice so that I can go back and tell my daughter.

Bro. Teoh: Thank you so much for the very good question. Sometimes, you shouldn’t think it’s a simple or trivial question because for them to take the step of going to the psychiatric department to see a psychiatrist is already telling you what? It means their case is serious right? Otherwise, they won’t go there. Don’t you think they will feel shameful if people come to know? `Hey, I have to see a psychiatrist,’ meaning I have mental problem. The mental problem that is being posed by the wife appeared so simple. `I can’t stand my husband staring at girls.’ Luckily, she didn’t say beautiful girls. What is the first thought that come to your mind? Maybe like what Bro Chim said, it’s very true. For most of us who don’t have this problem we may say, `Aiyoh! She’s too possessive and too sensitive’. Why must she worry about your husband looking at girls? As long as he don’t intend to take them back then it should be fine right?’ I have this joke. One Westerner, he’s a planner, a very successful guy, he married a Thai lady, stay in one of the condos in KL during the eighties. He was our client’s planner, I am the C & S Engineering consultant so we all became close friend. One day he told us this joke. Since he came from Europe so we thought he was a bachelor while in KL. But he said, `No, no. I am married. My wife is staying in a condo in KL and she’s a Thai.’ Then we said, `It means you have to go back early?’ He replied, “Oh, no need to worry about that.’ Then we asked why? He told us this story. `My wife is very good. She told me, I understand you very well. Your job and career demands you to entertain and have late nights with client. You can go and eat whatever you like to eat but please don’t `tapau’ back.” That is the only rule she insisted on. When he said that, almost everybody was very envious of him. `Wah! A very good and understanding wife indeed’. But the truth is, the wife understands the reality. You get jealous for what? That’s why such problem of jealousy needs to be fixed through understanding. What I normally advice people is, the Dharma understanding is very important. It is actually non-self but they cannot see. That’s why when you approach a problem or a situation, you must always look at it with sincerity and with understanding. Understanding means without the selfishness involved. That’s why it’s non-self. When you are not selfish, you don’t have the egoic mind because you are sincere and you have love. Then you will know how to resolve issues and problems amicably with love so that it doesn’t hurt anybody, so that it benefits everybody. How can we approach life this way? When we apply the Noble Eightfold Path then all problems can be resolved. Noble Eightfold Path means Right view leading to right thought. Have Right view to accept your husband for what he is, his life, let him live. But it doesn’t mean you don’t care and you let him do what he wants. Acceptance means we don’t react via wrong view or emotional negativity of envy and jealousy. Then we reflect and contemplate via asking, what are my options and how can we resolve this amicably? Then we can act appropriately.

When we have the right view, to accept, not to react, it means you have no more anger (which is an evil root). When you don’t react anymore your fear and anxiety will be no more and then your thought will not be compulsive, obsessive and intrusive. Because of your fear, it triggers off these thoughts. The fear of your husband having an affair or marrying somebody; or he may leave you and you cannot survive on your own. That fear is a very valid and a very strong emotion for ladies especially true for those who are married and don’t have confidence in themselves. And this fear is a thought projection which is not a reality. Nothing has happened yet. Even if it should happen, so what? You have to understand there is this Law of Karma to take care of all these. You have to have this right view with regards to this Law of Karma. The Buddha said, `we are born of our karma, heir to our karma, conditioned and supported by our karma, and we are what we are because of our karma’. So whatever happens, the Buddha said, there are causes and conditions behind. Even if you should be afflicted and your husband makes you miserable, it’s because of what? Karma right? In the past, you could have been the man and you did this to another girl, make her miserable. When you do that you never question yourself then, right? But, when your husband did that to you, you become so angry, so jealous and full of misery, you hate him so much. And you complained via say, `how can he do that to me?’

These are real people who are afflicted with depression and they talk to me via saying, `how can this ‘bastard’ do this to me?’ Last time, its honey, darling, etc. but now ‘bastard’. One of them said, ‘I sacrificed so many years of my life, my youth, my puberty, getting married to him, gave birth to two beautiful kids for him and he did that to me’. You see the anger, hatred and unhappy evil roots arising? They are roots of all evil, that’s how you suffer and become miserable. So, I ask you one very simple question, `your life, if you continue to do things this way and react like that, what will happens to you?’ Are you happy? You will be afflicted and become very miserable and not happy, isn’t it? You cannot eat and cannot sleep because of these depressive and suicidal thoughts. Until you got to see psychiatrist. Your husband also not happy and your children and parents are also affected because you don’t have Noble Eightfold Path understanding to resolve all these amicably with wisdom. You don’t know how to bring about good relationship. The husband will drift away further and further. Cos, they will compare. The one outside is so nice, much younger and prettier, so friendly and so understanding. This one come back home, only nag, nag and nag; anger, anger and anger… and this is what is happening to most families. These hatred, jealousy and anger are evil roots that make them very angry, very jealous, thereby conditioning their wrong speeches and wrong actions. Sometimes, they even go to their husband’s office to create a scene. If you do that chances are, it is the end of your relationship. Why do you want to do all these? Why can’t you resolve it amicably? I have helped many really depressed people who have such problems. Finally, not only the husband came back to them, they also managed to gain back their good life.

I always said, ‘when you have the Noble Eightfold Path, you will become so beautiful and so virtuous’. Finally who do you think is the one who will lose out? Your husband is the one who loses out because he doesn’t know how to choose such a beautiful (inwardly), virtuous and understanding wife. Like I said just now, no need to pay her like hiring a maid, yet she does everything for you. You don’t know the benefits of having a good and virtuous wife. When you have a good, virtuous and understanding wife who is happy, I can tell you, your life will be really beautiful. You are so blessed. Where to find such a good and understanding wife; no need to hire maid, yet do everything for you with so much joy and happiness, you only need to say some nice words and take her out for dinners and holidays once in a while and be faithful, of course. So, life is very simple, isn’t it?

So, whatever happens, always remember, don’t react, don’t condemn, be at peace with the situation. Then, with a mind that is at peace to accept what happened or ‘What IS’, there is clarity, isn’t it? Because you are not angry, you are not emotional, there is no fear and you are not agitated, there is no more restlessness in your mind. With that clarity, you can sit down and contemplate. What are my options? What can I do? What went wrong? How can I resolve all these amicably via Noble 8-Fold Path so that I can move on with my life?

When you reflect and contemplate, then you realize, `Maybe, I didn’t give him enough attention. I have taken things for granted. When he comes back, I just let go of my emotions and unhappy feelings and thoughts. That’s how my husband finds me no more interesting. Not like the early days, when you are dating and courting, he will tell you take your time, don’t worry I can wait.’ But the moment they are married, the husband start to show his true colour via saying, `Why take so long? What are you doing?’ No more patience. But this is the reality. Like Alexander Pope’s famous verse; do you know what he said? His famous verse: ‘Reality begins after the first day of marriage’. Before marriage it is all pretence, a lot of the actual characters are hidden, concealed, with all the sweet talks. `Honey I love you. Honey, how are you? Where do we go for honeymoon?’ But when you start to move into life after marriage, if you don’t understand what true relationship is, and what it means to commit yourself to a relationship then your relationship will suffer. A commitment that can bring about happiness and joy to the marriage relationship demands a lot of sincerity and understanding. When you are sincere to commit to this relationship, you look forward to a good life, a good relationship which means you start to trust each other. Sincerity will brings about trust. When you trust, you don’t have jealousy, you don’t query. Then if both of you keep to that sincerity and trust, the marriage is beautiful, then give and take, love each other sincerely, truly then be appreciative of each other’s contributions.

Don’t talk about negative things. With Noble Eightfold Path, everything will become beautiful. Don’t go and project your thoughts leading to the fear. Don’t go and do all the stupid things that will arise the evil roots. That’s why my advice to you is, ‘whenever you are not happy and peaceful, the evil roots are there, the mental hindrances of mind are there’. You are no longer peaceful, you are no longer happy, you no longer have clarity of mind meaning you don’t have Noble Eightfold Path. Then you cannot resolve your life problems. So, Noble Eightfold Path is a very powerful meditation. If you can truly cultivate this, it will be a blessing to you. It will bring about countless benefits and limitless merits. Cultivating Noble Eightfold Path means cultivate following the advice of the Buddha. What are the advice of all Buddha? Avoid all evils, do good and purify our mind isn’t it? The embodiment of Noble Eightfold Path has no evil and no delusion. From Right view leading to right thought, right speech, right action, and right livelihood. So, no evil because everything is right. It is all about cultivating wholesomeness and goodness. Right speech, right thought, right action and right livelihood are also very meritorious. That’s how you can avoid all evil. Then right mindfulness leading to heedfulness and meditative wisdom is purification of mind.

That’s why Noble Eightfold Path are the advice of the Buddha and the meditation as taught by the Buddha. So, whatever you do in the name of meditation, if it doesn’t bring you back to the Noble Eightfold Path cultivation, then, that is not the meditation as taught by the Buddha. There are other types of meditation. So, do not make the mistake of being gullible. That is if you go to retreat, you meditate and you have fantastic meditation, thinking it is equivalent to good progress, wisdom and enlightenment then you need to check. If you still don’t have the Noble Eightfold Path quality in you, you are nowhere near what the Buddha is saying. You can interpret that fantastic experience as, `Wah! I had insight into the characteristics of nature, Aniccaṃ, Dukkha and Anattā. I have what insight, what nana.’ You can go and find out for yourself. After that, when you come out to life, do you have the Noble Eightfold Path factors or qualities? If you don’t have, it means you still don’t understand life. You still can have suffering. That’s why a lot of these yogis after many years of attending my classes, told me, `Yah, Bro Teoh, you are right. I was peaceful at the retreat, very happy, very calm. Then when I come out, I can maintain it for some time, sometimes one week, sometimes two weeks, and maximum three weeks. After that, I realize I have not really change because the same old characters are still there. I still get angry, I still have fear, I still have problems that can make me unhappy and miserable. I still have relationship problems and conflict in life.’

I said, `Do you know why? You don’t have the embodiment of the Noble Eightfold Path factors. You don’t have right speech, right action, right thought and right livelihood. You don’t have right view with regards to the nature’s law that governs life and existence. Especially the law of karma. If you want to improve your life you have to change via taking care of your Karma to avoid all evil and do good. To avoid all evil you have to keep your precepts because those who breaks precepts are evil people with the evil roots of Greed, Hatred and Delusion. So, if you can explain these to your daughter: this is how you can actually take care of the problems; - see that it is just a thought projected fear, it’s not a reality. Your life, why do you want to allow it to be this way. I always say, ‘you have two choices when you confront the realities of life and existence, (like health problem, death of a loved one, financial problem or whatever). One choice is, react and become miserable, project your fear, worry and anxiety. Second choice is to have the right view to accept the reality of what has happened, don’t react, be at peace, hence no more fear, no more worry, no more anxiety. Then, with that clarity of mind, ask yourself, what are your options and how to resolve this problem or so-called issue amicably so that everybody is happy.

Later on, if I have the time, I will tell you one incident which I had helped resolve so beautifully. That lady was in depression over the daughter’s adoption and custodian problem. It was like, she’s the maternity mother… and maybe I just finished off with it. She’s the maternity mother. When she gave birth to that third child, she was so stressed out because she had no maid to help her. She told her husband she need a maid, the husband said, we are trying to find but not easy. Instead they have a neighbour friend who is very wealthy but no children, then they said, ‘why not you let us take care of your new daughter’. The husband was very keen, told the wife, the wife was also very happy, passed her over, weekend comes back to them so that on weekdays she can go to work. She told me the first few years she was so happy. Then, later on, what happened was; the wife came to know (after a few years of affection), this rich couple loved her daughter so much, wanted to adopt her legally.

So, the husband wants the wife to give up her rights to her daughter and allow the couple to adopt her. From that moment onwards, the wife panicked and reacted. Then the husband got angry, the mother-in-law also get angry because to them, why do you do that. This couple they are without child and they really liked this child, besides they have a lot of money and wealth, their daughter will get to inherit all these. So, to the husband and mother-in-law, it’s a good thing. But to the mother, my child, how can you just forced me to give it away. So, she become so depressed and her relationship became so strained until it became suicidal. Then, one of her good friend was a cultivator cum meditator under my guidance for many years. She told her you’d better go and see Bro. Teoh. Then when she came to me, I just explained to her, her condition and told her it is very simple, `You don’t have to react and become so miserable or afflicted, don’t do this. By doing this are you happy? Your daughter is caught in this, your husband also not happy, your mother-in-law also not happy, the couple also unhappy, so nothing get resolved because there are these evil roots of anger, fear, attachment and real phobia. So, I told her, why not you just accept this reality, I don’t say you agree with them or say they are right. You accept this reality or facts of life first and then you sit back to reflect and contemplate, `What are your options? How best can you solve this problem amicably?’

So, you should think of your daughter, isn’t it? What is best for her? That’s what I meant by a non egoic or selfless thought. Not about you anymore. If you are so egoic, then your thought will deceive you via saying this to you, ‘I am the mother, how can they do that to me? This wrong thought is going to make you miserable’. You are attached to this word, ‘mother’ and you then want things your way which is not nature’s way. They are what they are, you have to accept them for what they are, and the reality is like that. So, how can I resolve it amicably? When I explained all these to her, she became happy again. Do you know what I told her? I said, `you think of what is best of your daughter, her future, etc. and how can you resolve this amicably so that everyone is happy?’ You can talk to your husband: ‘Now I understand. I don’t want to get angry anymore. I respect you for what you are. I understand your sincere intention and we want to give what is best for our daughter. Okay, we sit down and plan all these so that we can resolve this amicably?’ It means you only need to ensure that you are still the maternity mother after you have consented to give the couple a legal adoption. But you should ask for your right to see your daughter and the right for your daughter to see you. Then as long as your daughter decides to stay with them and this is what she wants and what she really loves, then you have to tell yourself: your life, you decide, but if it is your daughter’s life, you’d better let her decide. She may make a mistake and later on decides to come back to you. So you put in the agreement this clause: ‘At any time if she decides to come back to you, she has every right to sever that legal document and come back to you’. You leave that right to your daughter.

Then you will be very happy because she has been assured a very good future. The couple promised her a good education, a good life and a good future, etc. So, I said to her, ‘if you resolve it this way, you will be a happy mother, your husband will love you more because you don’t react and create a scene anymore. Your mother-in-law will also say ‘my daughter-in-law not bad, now she understands’. Then you are still the maternity mother, you can still see her anytime. Then you wish for her well-being, her future, and everything else. You can talk to your daughter, `As a mum, I have a duty to take care of you. But now, the situation is like that, are you happy if they were to adopt you?’ You should talk to her although she is still young. But at least she understands her mother loves her and protects her via resolving all these with wisdom and understanding so that there is no anger, no hatred and no misunderstanding. Then, when she listens to all these, she will be happy and love you more because you really care for her.

It can be resolved just through an understanding, no need to be angry, not need to be fearful. Fear, anger and emotions are negative mind states or emotions that will make you miserable. They are evil roots, roots of all evil that can make you evil. You must have Noble Eightfold Path, right view to accept the reality, then with right thought, right action and right speeches to talk to people nicely, to resolve issues amicably so that everybody is happy. Okay? I’d better end. Otherwise, too late. Okay shall we end?

Bro. Chim: Thank you Bro Teoh. I think many of us would like to listen to more. But anyway, it’s already 11.45a.m. And I’d better stop here. Today, we come here to pay homage to the Buddha, to listen to the Dharma, and to gain some good merits as well. I would like to invite Bro. Teoh to lead us in the making of aspirations and sharing the merits with all sentient beings.

3 Closing Puja

Bro. Teoh: We will do the closing puja. We shall invoke the sharing of merits with devas, with all the beings and transfer merits to departed ones and invoke blessings for the nation and make your aspiration like what Bro Chim said. It has been a very wholesome one hour forty-five minutes of sharing. You have listened to the Dharma, straightened your view and paid respect to the Buddha. You have kept and renewed your five precepts. Then you have strengthened your faith and rejoice. All these are very meritorious and some of you have provided offerings and good services to SJBA. So, with these, we will invoke the power of merits and share them with all beings. Okay, we will start with `Ākāsaṭṭhā ca bhummatthā’…., sharing of merits with the devas. I will chant in Pāḷi, for those who can understand you can rejoice. If you can follow, you can chant along.

Ākāsaṭṭhā ca bhummaṭṭhā Deva nāga mahiddhikā Puññaṃ taṃ anumoditvā Ciraṃ rakkhantu loka sāsanaṃ

Ettāvatā ca amhehi Sambhataṃ puñña sampadaṃ Sabbe deva anumodantu Sabba sampatti siddhiya

Idaṃ me ñātinaṃ hotu Sukhitā hontu ñātayo (Repeat 3X)

Devo vassatu kalena Sassa sampatti hetu ca Phito bhavatu loko ca Raja bhavatu dhammiko

Iminā puñña kammena Māme bāla samāgamo Sataṃ samāgamo hotu Yāva Nibbāna pattiyā Sadhu (3x)

Ok, please pay respect mindfully to the Buddha. Buddhaṃ pujemi; Dhammaṃ pujemi; Saṅghaṃ pujemi.

Table of Contents

Preface

Biodata of Bro. Teoh Kian Koon

Acknowledgement

1 Introduction

1.1 Synopsis And Notice Of Talk By SJBA

1.2 Introduction by Bro. Chim, President of SJBA

2 Dharma talk proper by Bro. Teoh

2.1 Essence of the Buddha’s teaching

2.2 Importance of Heedfulness

2.3 The 1st Noble Truth

2.4 Benefits of meditation

2.5 Question and Answers

3 Closing Puja